ok I am going to try to live blog this. I have not been historically successful at the live blogging thing but, hey! Here we go!

James Bond and a guy in a black dress are smashing up zillions of priceless antiques…JETPACK!!

Dude. That was cool.

Ok, the song! It’s… better than goldfinger. But then so is dental surgery. Accompanied by swimming women and spear fishing.

Paris. Eyepatch dude with a karmann ghia. Oh hey it’s Spectre! Very minimalist boardroom for Evil. Nifty electrocution and body disposal unit though.

Damn, that’s sexual assault. Also sexual blackmail… ugh.  But naturally once she has been exposed to the magic dick of Bond it’s all ok.

This is all rather opaque – who are any of these people?

Ah ok – they’re highjacking a jet full of atomic bombs – did they always run training missions with live bombs in the 60s? Yikes.

Hmmm, can jets DO that?

Submarines. This is all very Jacques Cousteau.

The Bahamas. A casino. The clothes!

Ah the old tape recorder in a book trick.

A new Felix Leiter! Every movie there’s a new one.

Shark pool! Dead minion! Q! Q in a Hawaiian shirt!

Being into your brand is all well and good but maybe if you’re running a Top Secret Evil League you might consider being less free with the company logo jewelry, tattoos and luggage tags. Just a thought.

And – that was the point at which I got absorbed in the movie and gave up live blogging. That movie was good. Best yet, by kind of a wide margin. It hangs together, almost makes sense and the scenery and gadgets are alarmingly good. Like, that submarine wouldn’t look out of place in any given recent underwater documentary. Is it possible so little has changed in 50 years? The face masks are rounder and the air tanks are bigger, but otherwise, you’d never know. That is, I’d never know, since even though I grew up on the coast, my exposure to scuba and underwater hijinks is, well, nil. So maybe they are wildly different! The bathing suits surely are. Sean Connery looks adorable in his little powder blue short shorts.

What else? The parade scene is awesome and one of the two things I remembered from the movie – the other was the death by sauna chair towards the beginning, which scared me. Good lord I was a paranoid morbid kid. I wish I’d gotten jujitsu skills from all my exposure to 007 movies but no, I ended up with anxiety about unlikely death scenarios and a twisted fondness for bad pickup lines.  There’s a bad lady who does not fall for the magic dick of Bond and says so. She’s kind of impressive but, naturally, she dies. The death count is high in this movie. I would personally not really want to work for anyone who summarily executed my coworkers but hey, motivation is where you find it.

Anyway, a solid outing, definitely my favorite so far – I give it an A.

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