On the way home from work today I saved a family of geese. Then when I got home there was a completely unexpected out of the blue anonymous generous check in the mailbox and holy shit. Just, holy shit. Talk about crazy instant karma: become a goose family crossing guard! It pays super well! HOLY SHIT.
See, I was driving home on Swannanoa River Road and right by the U-Haul, almost at the corner of Tunnel Road, where I have seen a pair of geese before – and even photographed them, or almost photographed them in that I think I got part of a wing, early one morning a couple months ago – I saw a whole goose family hanging out on the side of the road. So I naturally pulled over and parked in the UHaul parking lot so I could take some pictures. I didn’t try to get very close – I am a little afraid of geese after an unfortunate episode one summer when I was like 9 – and I was in the middle of the parking lot zooming in with the phone when I realized that they were preparing to head across the street to the river. The busy street. The very busy, fast, rush hour street.
So I headed to the street as well, figuring that I would stop traffic because although I was afraid that I would get killed I was more afraid that one or more of the geese would get killed while I stood there because I don’t think I could handle that. Another car stopped and a lady got out. “I think we have to stop traffic!” I shouted and she waved agreement and then DAMN we stepped into the traffic and held up our hands and EVERYBODY STOPPED. And the geese walked across the road and we darted back out of the street while people smiled and waved and gave us high fives and one lady yelled “Thank you so much for stopping! They are so cute!!”
It was awesome. I felt like a hero. I have really not rescued many of, well, anything in my life except possibly spiders who I save from the house and put outside. (That is, except in that one Charleston apartment where I put them in the chandelier which ended up after a year of this being the most magnificently gothic draped chandelier you have ever seen, whoo yeah.) I like spiders, however, rescuing them doesn’t really ever make me feel particularly heroic. Maybe it’s because they are so much smaller than geese, even very small geese like these.
ANYWAY. Geese safely on the other side of the road, I came on home and got the mail. Hmm, I thought, what is this, the Give Initiative, probably a charity, handwritten envelope, feel sorry for that intern – and I opened it up and HOLY SHIT, LO, it was a CHECK FOR $500.
This is like one of my dreams, like it is an actual wish and toast that I say and have for years: “Here’s to large anonymous checks in the mailbox!” “I wish for a large anonymous check in the mailbox, with no strings attached that hurts no one and no one has to die for me to receive. (I am careful with my three wishes, yo, I have this shit planned.)”
I never really thought it would come true but, it has. It has.
And I don’t know what to say except, my gods, I am verklampt, I am overwhelmed, thank you, anonymous donor, thank you so much. There are tears of gratitude in my eyes and I am going to use this money thoughtfully: I’m going to use it to make more money – I have plans! Yes, plans! – and when I do, I will, as you asked in your letter, pay it forward. Thank you so much. I think you may have changed my life and I know you have changed my outlook.
For one thing, I’m never thinking mean thoughts about a goose again.